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The Save the Environment, Stop Air Pollution, Reduce Machine Noise, Get Yourself Fit & Strong, Avoid Being a Girly-Man, Save Money Workout Program That Gives You Six-Pack Abs & More Muscle, Less Fat Right Now

  • Written by  Scott Wilson
Here’s a hardcore workout that doesn’t cost money, and makes you real popular too. Here’s a hardcore workout that doesn’t cost money, and makes you real popular too.

Ok, guys, summer’s here, the beaches, parks, dance floors, and pools are packed with lusty ladies, and it’s time to trade your six-pack flabs for six-pack abs. Want an easy way to get in shape?

Well hey, a few months ago I figured out a way to combine environmentalism, community service, property value enhancement, exercise, fitness, and moneymaking all at the same time.

Here’s the deal. When I was a kid and in my teens I made a few bucks mowing lawns and doing yardwork and landscaping.

When I stopped using those machines, my body got stronger & I saved money…

I used a lawnmower that didn’t have a motor, and I used hand tools like rakes, edgers, brooms, shears, shovels, etc.

But when I got into my 20’s my friends started buying power tools so they could supposedly do it all with less sweat.

They made fun of me for using old school tools, so to fit in I bought me a whole set of gasoline tools for the yard.

I don’t know if you’ve priced power lawnmowers, leaf blowers, chainsaws, weed whackers, power edgers, and rototillers lately but if you get quality stuff you are spending serious coin.

You are also spending serious coin on maintenance and gasoline.

And if you get into gasoline toys, like I did with my Yamaha WaveRunner, you spend thousands of dollars to purchase, and a bunch more on maintenance, storage, tune-ups, etc.

On top of that, for powered lawn tools, you better spend money on a noise-canceling headset to isolate you from the noise.

Leaf blowers, WaveRunners and similar machines violate noise ordinances and can drive you stone cold deaf.

They can drive your neighbors stark raving mad too.

When I got out on my lawn one afternoon a few months back, the pretty lady who lives behind me walked all the way round the block to stand in my driveway and look at me until I stopped my zero turn mower, took off my headphones, and got my hearing back.

“I shut my windows and still can’t carry on a phone conversation inside my own house,” she said. “Every week you take three hours away from my family. Is there any way to do your lawn without all this noise?”

She was real nice about it, but she left me with a zinger. She said powered lawn tools were for wimps and that a “real man” would be able to handle grass, leaves and branches using his own strength!

Her daddy was 76 and he still used a rake and broom and a scythe to cut the lawn, and his house looked just fine to her, she said. He wasn’t a sissy. He wasn’t afraid to pick up them leaves on his own, without some infernal machine.

To be honest, I’d heard similar things from other neighbors.

It got me to remembering that as my buddies and I acquired leaf blowers, riding mowers, jet skis, and other gasoline tools and toys, we’d also acquired extra lard around the middle.

I had to get me some pants with a bigger waistline.

Even if I got electricity-powered tools, it’s still machines doing work for me, and of course somebody has to burn coal to generate the electricity.

Not good enough for me. I knew what I had to do.

I says to myself, Scott, if you want to get you some hard muscle and cut that spare tire from around your middle, you oughta go back to doing things the way you used to when you were leaner and meaner.

What was really sweet is I sold all my gasoline tools and toys for a pretty penny, and within a few weeks of mowing with a motorless lawn mower, raking, sweeping, and doing things by hand, I was looking and feeling stronger.

Then I went whole hog and sold off that beast WaveRunner. That thing banged me up like if I’d been driving on Pothole Street with no shock absorbers, and I darn near killed myself, a couple of friends, and two kids on a raft.

Plus it smells like a gasoline refinery.

Now instead of zooming up and down on the Yamaha I go kayaking, canoeing or swimming. It’s a hell of a real workout, I enjoy the water and sun more, and I save money instead of throwing it away.

I lost a couple of thousand dollars on the WaveRunner but I also lost 27 pounds of ugly fat and gained the admiration of that cute neighbor from the street behind me.

If I didn’t already have a girlfriend (she’s a babe and she manages a hydroponics store), maybe I’d be spending a little more time taking in the neighbor lady’s compliments about how I’m such a good boy to no longer be filling the streets with noise and pollution.

She smiles at me real pretty, and we chat a little before I tip my baseball cap at her and tell her I gotta get back to raking and trimming.

Fitness, the old-fashioned way. Feels good. Saves cash. Cleans the air. Keeps the neighbors happy.

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Last modified on Monday, 25 June 2012 15:26

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