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When Vampires Attack the Zombie Apocalypse, Will Cannibals Eat Us All?

Zombie apocalypse people don’t have nice clothes… Zombie apocalypse people don’t have nice clothes…

In Shaun of the Dead, a dull-minded guy casually strolls amongst zombies, ignoring their shambling, sick-looking style. In Twilight and True Blood, vampires are sexy, desirable, exotic. Meanwhile, in the streets of America, wanna-be zombies and cannibals are actually eating people’s faces, hearts and brains!

Wait a minute…has real life become stranger than movies? Police say the 31-year-old man shot dead recently while eating the face of a homeless man in Miami may have been under the influence of “bath salts,” described by police as a “cocaine substitute.”

Or how about this for bad taste? Police say a 21-year-old Maryland man admitted killing his 37-year-old roommate, and then eating his brain and heart.

So far, police aren’t blaming the cannibal brain-heart stew attack on bath salts or any other “drugs.”

Or that lovely gay porn actor who killed and ate his lover in Canada. Sometimes love just hurts so good, eh?

I’d prefer not to be eaten, bitten or turned into an undead zombie…how about you?

In Miami, where the face-eating zombie was enjoying his face feast before being shot dead by police, some dudes set out to have video fun using fake blood, and then pretending to be zombies stalking local citizens. Their antics were filmed by an assistant nearby. They almost got their butts beat.

And you may already have read about America’s love affair with ghouls in this previous Rosebudmag.com article. In that article, I report on a woman who thought she was a vampire and brutally attacked a man.

Somehow, zombies, cannibals and vampires have been made into role models. It is any surprise that people are imitating them?

I remember seeing Silence of the Lambs in a movie theater: the audience applauded Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter. Sir Anthony Hopkins, the amazing actor who played Lecter, was so shocked by audience love of Lecter that he initially resisted playing Lecter in a sequel, although he later agreed to play Lecter again, in the movie Hannibal.

The thing you have to wonder about is are we facing a zombie apocalypse. Has the human race, in supposedly modern countries, begun to mutate into a species full of flesh-eating insanity?

Or have we always had cannibals, vampires, werewolves, zombies and other ghouls amongst us?

The evidence from anthropology suggests that our species has always had a penchant for consuming its own.

Fortunately, the vast majority of humans did not drink each other’s blood or eat each other’s body parts.

But cultural traditions, or desperate circumstances, have allowed cannibals to exist among us.

The common misconception is that people eating people was practiced only by primitive tribes. Actually, early English settlers in North America ate corpses during periods when their lack of North American farming knowledge combined with harsh weather to push them to starvation. A man in the Jamestown colony confessed to killing, curing, and eating his pregnant wife.

There are similar reports of other “modern” humans eating dead people during times of starvation. Many of these reports come from incidents such as shipwrecks or lost explorer expeditions, when people felt they had to eat corpses to survive.

And most of us have heard of the Donner Party--some party it was. Stranded in snow in the Sierra Nevada Mountains during the winter of 1846=47, the Donners were reported to have eaten their dead (although some historians now dispute that).

In Florida last year, a woman who thought she was a vampire sunk her teeth into a man in a wheelchair. He got away from her and called police. The woman was found covered in blood, and half-naked.

In Galveston, Texas last year, 19-year-old Lyle Bensley told police he was a “500-year-old vampire” after he was arrested for breaking into a woman’s apartment and biting her neck.

The concept of true zombieism, in which some hideous parasite has infected someone’s brain making them shamble around searching for folks to bite a chunk of is of course a scientific impossibility.

The vampire myth—the idea that you can obtain immortality and magnificent powers by drinking human blood- is also a scientific unreality.

But people who like to eat other people (not in the sexual sense, as in eating out a woman)--that’s not a matter of the supernatural, that’s just a meat-eating, blood-drinking desire gone completely wrong. Or maybe you’re having a hard winter, or you’re stranded on a crowded lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, and the only food to be had is that nice lady who died yesterday.

Get out the grill, and let’s chow down, eh?

In the meantime, I wouldn’t worry too much about zombie apocalypse, vampires, cannibals, or other ghouls. The chances that you’ll get killed and eaten by someone are less than the chance that you’ll be ripped off by a banker or corporation, or poisoned by polluted air or water.

On the other hand, let’s not be Shaun of the Dead either. If you see someone coming at you with a zombie walk, or very sharp teeth and a black cloak, perhaps it’s time to run, or pull out your shotgun, like Woody Harrelson did in Zombieland.

Let’s all do whatever it takes to ensure that the zombie apocalypse doesn’t come to our home town, or at least let’s make them dance like they did in Michael Jackson’s Thriller. I mean, if you've got to deal with zombies, at least they could have some smooth moves.

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Last modified on Tuesday, 26 June 2012 15:42

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